Just Say No

For the last 2 months Rite Aid has been raising money for a local hospital by way of those little pieces of colored paper that you pay a dollar for. You know the ones, sometimes shaped like four-leaf clovers, sometimes hearts or stars. These ones were hot air balloons. They looked more like strange light bulbs to me, and I don't even know what hot air balloons have to do with sick children.

Anyway, basically for the last 2 months I have been pushing these little paper things on every customer that comes in. Kudos to the many customers that donated, especially those that came in multiple times and donated every time. What I find interesting is the various reactions of people that decline to donate. I have absolutely nothing against people who decline to donate to a cause. It is simply not required that people donate, and it is their unquestionable right not to, weather it's a dollar or a million dollars. I find it hilarious that many people can't just say "no," instead coming up with long winded excuses or shady attempts at avoiding the issue.

The way I see it, if you feel that bad saying no, maybe you should just donate. A dollar. Maybe you'll feel better.

And so I present to you the list that I have been keeping of all the most common excuses, as well as the most ridiculous ones:

~ I always donate.

~ I did it up front.

~ I did it last time.

~ I did it last year.

~ I donate yearly.

~ I am tired of getting solicited everywhere I go, so I will not donate.

~ I donate to ...um, something else.

~ **pretending I didn't hear you**

~ I donate enough.

~ No, my wife might be doing it.

~ Aw, hell no.

~ I donate to the Shriners.

~ I just spent the morning setting up fundraisers for breast cancer awareness and stuff. I'm not donating to anything else. Not today. (waves hand dismissively)

~ I did that.

~ No, I'll pass- I donate too much as it is.

~ No, we do charity rides.

~ * unintelligible reply, followed by perfectly understandable segue into another subject *

~ You got me the last couple of times.

~ No, someone needs to donate to me.