Okay, I know you all want to hear about my exciting weekend holding up a sign for money. Well, of course it couldn't be that simple....


Here's the cast:


Annoying chick; your typical know-it-all, with only a slight wit and mild attractiveness, which you wouldn't guess by the hot shit she acted like.

too-cool-for-school; this guy was announcing the make and model of every car we saw the entire weekend, putting his brand new phone on speakerphone constantly, and trying to make mysterious, elusive comments that no one bit on.

redneck party boy; my particular favorite, the entrepreneur that was behind the whole ordeal. His high (dashed) hopes and misplaced charisma were the perfect compliment for what was to be a thoroughly unenjoyable trip.

the truck; some old four door contraption, a primitive model of a mini SUV. Think of the bastard child between an H2 and a Honda Element.


Our story begins early Saturday morning. I pile into the truck with the other three occupants, and we hit the road. Not more than 5 minutes into the journey, the driver (redneck guy) begins to show an interest in the personal stats and history of everyone on board. I withstood his barrage of questions, only to find that he required a surprisingly minimal amount of material in order to carry on a conversation for a prolonged time. Fortunately, said conversation was mostly to himself, so I was able to read my book and eventually nod off for half of the three hour ride.



We arrived in the parking lot of the K Mart and began to prepare for our marketing stint. now, I don't know how many of you are familiar with the people that stand on the side of the road all day holding advertisements, but I had seen my share of them. I was under the impression that it was a simple concept, and was prepared for the ordeal.... or so I thought.



This guy was not to be outdone, despite the lack of competition.



I wasn't just carrying one sign around, I was carrying two, a contraption of PVC pipe and zip ties resulting in a two story high sign that threatened to impose upon JetBlue's airspace. And, to make matters worse, we were in costume.



However, despite these setbacks, I managed to keep my sanity for 6 long hours until the end of the day.



But that's where things got rough.



You see, the sole reason that the head of the operation, we'll call him Joe, decided to undertake this weekend side job (this was his first weekend) was so that he could spend Saturday night partying and then Sunday morning sleeping in while we all carried signs. This was supposed to be his weekly getaway from the wife and kids. He had it all figured out, making extra money, partying all weekend, and breaking even by Monday. He was planning to CUT LOOSE!!! One problem: We were in a town with a population so low that the last census was taken as an extra credit math exercise by the 5th grade class.




Well, after we packed up our signs and changed back into our clothes, we went out for some drinks. Emo cool guy was all over this irritating chick, and had apparently fallen in love with her since 6 am that morning. She was obviously not interested, but didn't bother to tell him so, which made it interesting for me to observe. that was fine with me, because I really had nothing better to pay attention to at the time.



Joe was buying drinks for everyone in the zip code, trying to get a party started, but wasn't having any luck. 8:00 rolled around and Emo Boy stormed out after Ira (tating) showed her interest in another guy.



We decided to go to another place. we found a very relaxed club, with a laid back atmosphere. We ordered some food, listened to the music, and I was finally starting to enjoy myself. However, Joe was obviously very perplexed that there was still no block party forming, and Girls Gone Wild had not yet started to be filmed around us.



We eventually headed back to the motel, because Ira was tired. This annoyed Joe to no end, but we headed back. While in their room, after Joe entered the shower, she felt bad and tried to get me to go back out with him. I, on the other hand, felt it was a better idea to go to my room and watch Adult Swim.




Upon reaching my room, I found Emo on the bed, staring at the ceiling with ICP blaring out of his headphones so loud that I wondered if he was still alive. After checking his pulse, I took my own shower, and made sure that there were no harmful objects within his reach while I grabbed the remote and caught the end of The 5th Element. I had forgotten how much that movie sucked.



He decided to start conversation later, and after assuring him that it is better to have loved and lost than to have had to deal with that shit in the long run, I went to sleep. despite my 9 am wake up call being mistaken (by the well-meaning foreigner at the front desk) for an 11:30 pm call (three times) I got a good night's sleep.



The next day was pretty uneventful, except for rain and overtime. Then, right after the last day was finally over....



.... the truck broke down.



Aye. We got that fixed. We left. We drove for three hours. I took my money, went home, and slept.




How was your weekend?